horseliberator | IC Inbox (Golden Peacock)

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IC Inbox (Golden Peacock)

@JINDRICHZESKALICE

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OPEN SEASON

@JINDRICHZESKALICE
20ish / m / bisexual / 6♤

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My Self-Summary

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My Future Plans

My Talents

Favorite Books, Movies, Music, and Food

My Ideal Partner

Height 6'0" Body Type muscular Smokes no Drinks yes Drugs ?? Sign ?? Education decent Occupation blacksmith, page Income ?? Children no Pets Pebbles (horse), Mutt (dog) Hobbies alchemy, blacksmithing, playing dice, drinking

art credit: one. two. three. four. five.

01. WINE OR BEER

either

.02 CLOWNS OR MIMES

what is this

.03 SHOWER OR BATH

bath

.04 PIRATES OR NINJAS

what is a ninja

.05 TITS OR ASS

both

.06 COFFEE OR TEA

what is this

.07 SPICY OR SWEET

spicy

.08 SUMMER OR WINTER

summer

.09 LEATHER OR LACE

leather

10. ROUGH SEX OR GENTLE SEX

either

Personality Type
ENFJ-A - The Protagonist

ENERGY79%
extroverted
MIND54%
intuitive
NATURE58%
feeling
TACTICS76%
judging
IDENTITY54%
assertive

personality test. art credit.

hover for rating.

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[It's a lot of things. Seeing Esikko, the argument they got into, the hour or so he spent trapped in the dream after Esikko stormed off. Above all else, it's the hurt that comes from giving his best shot at being vulnerable and still getting rejected. And all of it feels... too unstable to talk about just yet.]

It's... I...

[Dodger blinks, and then blinks a bit more. His eyes feel wet and he's trying very hard not to let them spill over.]

...I'm fine, just- had a nightmare.

[He wavers for a moment, and raises a hand up to try and wipe his eyes clear. Definitely fine, nothing to see here.]

[ Henry blinks too, sitting up fully as soon as Dodger puts his hands to his eyes. That's a sight he never really thought he'd see on ... well. Most men he knows, but especially this one.

He gently reaches out to put his hands on Dodger's shoulders. Or at least that's the intention. ]

A nightmare- I'm sorry.

[ He truly is. Nightmares are a plague and they're so hard to shake. ]

It's alright now, you're awake.

[Dodger's skin heats up a bit at the touch - it's normal for him to comfort others by trying to be pleasantly warm, and now he's doing the same for himself. Even if he can't really feel temperatures in the same way. Either way, the hand is grounding, and he leans into it slightly.]

Yeah. I'm awake. I...

[He pauses to try and wipe his eyes again, before leaning closer and pressing his forehead against Henry's shoulder. He's not quite sobbing, but his breathing is shaky and irregular, and there are definitely tears dripping onto Henry's skin. Maybe a little harder to recognize as such, since they're warmer than they should be.]

Fuck- I look like a mess, I just- need you, to... hold me. Please.

Yeah, come here.

[ He slides his arms from Dodger's to help pull him in instead. He hadn't wanted to immediately, in case that wasn't really what Dodger wanted (he is like a fickle cat at times), but now he holds him in a firm embrace. Not so tight that they can't move or breathe or anything like that, but a solid presence to lean into. ]

Don't worry how you look. Just take your time.

[ He doesn't particularly know what to do in light of another man (or even a woman half the time) crying but at the very least he can be patient. ]

[Dodger... doesn't really know what to do either, partly because he hasn't cried in front of anyone in years. Not counting... the dream, where he was stuck crying in front of Esikko like an idiot knowing full well he wouldn't get any sympathy from it.

It's all so stupid. He feels like an idiot, and that's making it so much harder to pull himself together. But he sinks into Henry's arms, and raises a hand up to Henry's back to steady himself.

After a minute or so he starts forcing himself to take deeper breaths, just to try and... steady himself. Focusing on Henry, his smell and the weight of his muscles, so incredibly different from Esikko.]

...I'm really sick of wanting people that don't want me.

[That feels like... the most stable thought he can voice, and honestly the safest. It's... frustration with Esikko, and frustration with Toma, and frustration with a few other people all balled up with other failed attempts with people back in Boston, just a perfect storm for him to spiral down.]

[ Henry waits and just holds Dodger. He tilts his head in a bit to rest it against the other man's and tries to think of something he could say. Maybe it's best if he doesn't, and he just keeps being something sturdy to be held onto. That seems fine as well. ]

Is that what your nightmare was about?

[ He doesn't really expect Dodger to explain it in full or anything if he doesn't want to, especially right in the moment. So he continues after a brief pause. ]

You can't help what you want ...

[You can't help what you want. That's... something he hasn't been told before, and it turns out he really needed to hear it. It draws a noise out of him, somewhere between a hiccup and a laugh.]

I was... dreaming about Esikko.

[He pulls back, just enough to wipe at his eyes again. He still wants to lean on Henry, although he's trying not to put his full weight into it.]

I wanted him to care about me, because he's... a lot like my boss back home, except he... seemed like he liked having me around more, and... fuck, it's so stupid, 'cause he never actually treated me the way you do, no one's ever been this good to me, and I just... kept thinking sooner or later I'd do something good enough for him to actually want me, but everything just makes him fucking hate me more...

[He honestly isn't even sure if he's making sense. It's all coming out in a rush, in between shaking breaths and more attempts to dry his face. But now that he's started rambling, he feels like he can't stop.]

Ah.

[ Well, Henry might have guessed that, given some time to think over it. So he's not super surprised. He's actually a little angry that the man has such a hold on Dodger when it seems to Henry that all of his actions have only been cowardly.

When Dodger pulls back, he listens a moment, eventually reaches out to try and brush away some tears. ]

That's not stupid, Dodger...

[ It's actually pretty human, but maybe Dodger doesn't want to hear something like that? Henry wants to let him talk more if he wants to, not interrupting too much. But he will keep going too, if that's what's needed. Not that Henry is some guru on human (or human adjacent) relations, but he knows a lot about loving and being loved, and even of loving people you weren't meant to have. ]

[Dodger leans easily into Henry's hand, and pauses long enough that a sob sneaks out of him. It just... makes him feel more stupid, but it is helping that Henry doesn't think this is stupid.

One day he'll get used to how supportive Henry is, but it's hard to push past how accustomed Dodger is to being looked down on.]

I'm... supposed to be better than this. I'm supposed to just be... a weapon to point at things that piss my boss off, and I... I couldn't even do that for Esikko, I fucked up the one time he...

[Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter at all, because he doesn't want to have done that job correctly, he never would have figured out what Esikko did to Chobe and he wouldn't have his best friend here. He just... shakes his head, and leans closer again to press his forehead against Henry's. It's an intimate gesture to him, far more so than the affections he usually gives away for free.]

...Fuck, it- this doesn't matter, I... [he hesitates] ...I've got you, so I shouldn't be focused on... that fucking asshole.

[Does he have Henry, though? Not in the way he wants. And he's awake enough to realize now would be a god-awful time to put Henry on the spot about it, even though... he wants him so very badly.]

You're not just a weapon, that's bullshit.

[ It's on the same level of Toth just telling him over and over again he's a dog and that the stronger dog gets the bitches. Awful. Infuriating.

He runs his thumb lightly across Dodger's cheek and back again, trying to be soothing. ]

If those people aren't seeing you as a person, then fuck that.

[ He and Dodger do have markedly different mindsets most of the time, to be fair, but Henry is just saying what he feels, hoping in some way that it will help. Or distract. Not thinking about Esikko is probably the way to go. His free hand comes up to rest at the nape of Dodger's neck, lightly at first to see if it's alright. ]

Right, don't think about him. That's just giving him power over you.

[It is incredibly foreign, being told he should be seen as a person. Now that he thinks of it... Janet, his first girlfriend, is probably the only person who's treated him anything like this. Like he means something past what he's useful for. It makes something ache deeper in his chest than anything else, and a shiver runs through him.

The hand on his cheek is doing wonders for him, though, and the hand on his neck makes him visibly relax.]

...What do you think I am, past being a weapon? Or a dog, or... something to be used?

[There's something a little bit desperate in his voice. He's been mulling it over for weeks at this point - the idea that someone can be inherently worth something no matter what they do. And he still just doesn't know what to do with it, so he needs a guiding hand.]

[ Henry, who grew up surrounded by love and friends, and whose adult life is more or less the same (with added traumatic events here and there), finds it very hard to believe that someone just can't see their value. He doesn't pity Dodger or anything, the man is quite strong in his own rights, but he feels sad for him. ]

You're human, of course. You're strong and resourceful. You helped me out when I didn't have a clue what was going on around here and you didn't have to do that. You've held back, knowing the harm you can do.

[ He's also not held back in many situations from what Henry can understand, but it's not like he hasn't killed a few guys in his way either. It's a really rocky area, being a good person. Even God must surely understand that. ]

You're a person who has thoughts and feelings and needs just like anyone else. Anyone trying to tell you otherwise isn't worth a fucking thing themselves. They're the bottom of the barrel, really, and they need you to make them look better.

[There's some part of him that rebels against that assessment - because Augustine sees Dodger as a weapon, and Dodger owes him his life. Augustine dragged him off the streets, got him off of (most of) his addictions, gave him a purpose and a guiding hand. It's what he needs, because he is dangerous if he's left to his own devices.

But it's also so nice to be treated like a person. It's why he's been able to manage the last few weeks at all, he thinks - because Henry is here, treating him more kindly than he's ever been treated before.]

...I was trying to play you when we met.

[He lets out a wet huff of laughter, and finally manages to actually dry his eyes.]

I figured you were lost enough that... if I helped you out you'd keep that in mind when I needed something. And it didn't cost me anything to help. But it... I don't know. Something shifted, spending all this time around you. I really like you. And you... treat me different than everyone else does. Like you're not just putting up with me, and you're not always waiting for me to snap.

[ Henry doesn't necessarily think it's bad to be seen as a weapon, either. He would certainly find honor in being called that for Hans. But that's not all he is, and he doesn't believe that about Dodger either.

Though he does pause a moment at that admittance, giving his own sort of huff a moment later. ]

I ... guess I'm not totally surprised. I'm an easy target, and I didn't exactly trust you, either. I certainly didn't want to be in your debt.

[ Sometimes he's still not sure he wants to, but Dodger has already done a lot for him, and he does genuinely have feelings for him even if he isn't entirely sure what the feelings are or if it's okay to have them. ]

I'm not just putting up with you. I'd be trying a whole lot harder to get rid of you, not sharing a bed with you, if that was the case.

You shouldn't trust me. Lucky you, I changed my mind before I sold you out to anyone. I'm still... I'm still who I am, everything I know is up for sale. But I've been trying not to talk to people about you unless I trust them to be good for you.

[He'd still talked to Toma about Henry, shortly after Henry's arrival, but... Toma hadn't been interested anyway. Not when the conversation moved onto John, who seemed much more important to keep an eye on for both men. He'd told Esikko about him too, but Esikko had been aggressively disinterested. Which he now feels is a blessing.

Dodger hesitates briefly, before raising a hand up to Henry's cheek and pressing a kiss to his lips. Slower than normal, really savoring the feeling of it and the fact that he can. And afterward, he pulls back to give him a searching look.]

I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't be able to sleep at all if I was on my own. You're... still the only person I can sleep around.

Lucky, aye. [ he nods, and then continues softly after a moment. ] You know I'm not completely helpless though, despite being a weak little human and all?

[ but he can appreciate the concern, too. Though he might feel a little affronted that Dodger's acquaintances so quickly turned their noses at him rather than deign to be interested. Terrible... ]

I am glad I can give you that, though.

[ He gently strokes Dodger's cheek again, giving him a light kiss in return. ]

Is there anything I can do for you right now?

You can't fight gods, Henry. I know you'd like to.

[He's actually incredibly charmed that Henry seems willing to bring a sword to a magic fight for him.

Dodger relaxes a bit further with the hand on his cheek, and he reaches up to guide Henry into touching his scars. It just feels nice, and it's something he only lets Henry do. For a few moments, he just wants to bask in the affection.]

Booze? Getting drunk would help me sleep. I could probably pilfer some from the kitchens, if you wanna drink with me for a bit.

I can fight them. But I get it, I wouldn't win.

[ The odds are very, very stacked against him. It's frustrating as hell that he can't do anything ever in this place.

But for now he lets the thoughts pass. He rather help Dodger come down from his nightmare, so he concentrates on running his fingers softly along the scars on the man's face. Downward strokes, tracing the trail they've left behind.

Booze is probably a bad idea but for someone from Henry's time, it's a reasonable request. So he nods after a minute or so of simply touching Dodger. ] Sure.

[It's very tempting to just stay right here. Curled up with Henry, getting his scars touched and basking in the attention. But the call of alcohol pulls him out of it, just enough to stand up and reach for his yukata. Just in case he runs into anyone while he's pilfering.]

Just promise me you're not gonna try and keep up with me. I'm getting three bottles for me and one for you.

[He reaches for the cigarette pack in one of his sleeves, and lights one up while he talks.]

I'll be back in a bit - I can turn invisible, so it's easier for me to do it alone. Just stay here and keep looking pretty, alright?

I didn't intend to try.

[ He assures Dodger, watching him from the bed. In fact, he was thinking about going slowly, so he doesn't actually get all that drunk. Henry is a silly drunk ... ]

You can turn invisible ... [ Of fucking course he can. Henry will circle back to that some other time. Now he makes a point of stretching out on the bed comfortably. ]

Well, I'll do my best then. Be careful, anyway.

I'm always careful.

[Dodger winks, and then vanishes. No particle effects or fade-out, he just isn't now. Although Henry will be able to hear his footsteps, relatively quiet as they are, traveling out of their room.

About fifteen minutes later he teleports back into the room, announcing himself with a flash of fire before settling back on their futon. He's got two bottles held in each hand - Awamori, the first high-proof liquor he spotted.]

One for you, three for me - go slow with it, I tried to find something that would fuck me up.

[And this is as close as he's getting, since he couldn't find any Everclear.]

[ Henry does his best not to think too hard on what he just saw. Or didn't see. It's because it's dark in here. That's what it is.

Either way, he ends up relaxing and almost even drifted off to sleep again when the sudden fire flaring up before him sucks out any bit of drowsiness that he could have conceivably had or even thought about having. He doesn't swear, but his hand comes up to his chest like his heart's just exploded.

God help him. ]

Stop worrying about me and come here, then. Unless you want me out of bed now?

[Dodger snorts, and takes his place right next to Henry, gesturing for him to take a bottle while he sets the rest down next to them.]

I've gotta teleport around you more often, you're still jumpy.

[He follows it up with a kiss, before he works on opening his own bottle and drinking about half of it in one go.]

[ He takes his bottle, looking it over as though he can tell much about it in the dark anyway. ]

I'll never get used to it.

[ He allows the kiss but mumbles the words a little defeatedly once it breaks. It's too much like he's being visited by the devil or something.

Deciding not to question how quickly Dodger's went down, he opens up the bottle and takes a decent-sized swig. It gets him to cough a little or at least he's making an attempt to turn it into a weirdly drawn out clearing of his throat. ]

Good God, what is this stuff?

No idea. But it's got a good burn.

[Dodger wipes his mouth, and lets out a contented noise at the flickering beginnings of a buzz. After a moment he leans against Henry's shoulder, just to have a bit more contact.]

Wanna play a game? I used to play this thing with my coworkers at home... we go back and forth asking each other questions, and the other person either answers or takes a shot. Or... y'know, a sip in this case. Since we don't have shot glasses.

[Granted, the last time he played this he ended up drinking anyway just to feel a buzz. It turns out everything Rin wanted to know about Dodger was something he doesn't mind answering - but Henry might be more of a challenger.]

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